Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: We have to put some meat on the table for our children.
They have to have the chance and even the pressure because a 25 year old who's just gotten married, who sits on his hands whenever the Bible is open because he doesn't know how to speak what's in his heart or how to react to the scriptures, this guy, his tools are cut off and he doesn't know how to operate as a contributing member of the kingdom of God. There must be an environment for these skills to be developed.
Run your home and your dough like a biblical boss.
Hey, gang. So we have a dear old friend of mine, Adam Elrod, who's with us today. He's going to be talking to us about the success that he's had raising teenage boys. His family's at a stage where he's got some boys moving into like their late teens.
And so he's seen a thing or two. And from my standpoint, he's done some very wise and successful things that I think we can learn from.
Before I let you talk, Adam, I know you're eager to share your wisdom with us. I just have to, I want to kind of contextualize you for people.
And I want to say, first of all, we can cut this if you're uncomfortable with it for anything, but I want to, I want to tell people Adam's wealthy.
So what I mean by that is he's, he came from a middle class background. Adam's a dear old friend of mine, very similar to my background. He and his wife have been successful. And Adam's been wise with his money because he was raised in a, in a environment like mine where you take care of money and work hard. Okay, so Adam is now wealthy, meaning he's not worried about where rent's going to come from next month. And he's in the process. This is why, this is the reason that I'm calling this out is because Adam and his wife already know we're going to be handing off significant amounts of money.
That's the family war chest to our children.
I want all of us to feel the pressure at Abraham's wallet. You know, that we're going to be building wealth long term. If you just follow God's principles for a while, you're going to be built building wealth. I don't care if you, if you make $40,000 a year, you're going to live below your means. You're going to put some in savings as we're commanded to do. You're going to be generous and you're going to get a blessing for that generosity. These things are unavoidable, which creates a new, important problem.
How do I create children that were not raised in the same crucible that you and I were raised in, Adam, where we had to negotiate with our parents when we wanted a new pair tennis shoes, and they were like, well, you're gonna have to mow a few yards because our family can't afford that. And you're like, oh, okay, I could think I can work out a way to get the tennis shoes that I need.
Our children not, not being raised like that, but we have to figure out a way to raise our children in such a way that they can handle the wealth that is coming their way. And everything that we have worked spiritually to, to garner, we want all of that passed on as well. We know that money ruins people whose character can't handle it. So we have to build children that are shrewd with money, that are raised in a context where they might not need. They might not feel the need for money, but they can still handle the money and they have self control that the money itself can't provide for them. That has to come from a personal character issue in their relationship with God where they would say, the money is not telling me no.
There's something else that tells me no. It's the spirit of God, which the book of Titus says he teaches us how to say no to our flesh. Well, we've got to learn how to build this into our kids. So I don't care if you're in Abraham's wallet family, you might not think, well, we're wealthy right now. You might be actually worrying where the rent is coming from. Or you think, I don't know if our. I don't know if our retirement is large enough, etc. Fine. I'm still telling you that at some point, whether it's your children or grandchildren, you're going to be dealing with the problem of how do I create children who can manage wealth and who have the character that it doesn't destroy them. The, the, the. The growing wealth that generationally we will be handing off to our children. Before I say any more, Adam, I'll just let you react to that. That opener.
[00:04:51] Speaker B: Yeah, that's awesome.
I'm trying to be concise here because it's. This is a hot topic with me all the time, especially with my kids.
What I will say is we implored the Jewish method of teaching their kids the jar method. And so when our kids got money, it was Jesus or Tithe save, invest and spend. And the way we always divvied that up was 10, 20, 20 and 50%. So anytime our kids get any money, they're like, can only spend 50% of this. And since they were tiny, little bitty tiny, they don't know any different.
[00:05:25] Speaker A: Slow down, slow down with those jars again.
[00:05:27] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:05:28] Speaker A: Tell us those four jars again.
[00:05:30] Speaker B: Jesus. 10%, save 20%, invest 20% and spend 50%.
[00:05:37] Speaker A: So these are physical jars that exist in your home?
[00:05:41] Speaker B: Yeah. And we had them like design them and kind of. And so they felt like ownership of them.
[00:05:46] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay, so they get $50 from grandpa for their birthday. Does that get divided into the four jars?
[00:05:54] Speaker B: Not necessarily birthday. It's usually when we like pay them for chores. So they have to do chores every week and it starts at $5. If they do a great job with a great attitude, they get 10. And then we divvy that up. Yeah. As, as we go to the future Cadence. So my son is moving out. He's moving into an apartment in Bloomington for his full time job in a few weeks, which I can barely say with getting teary eyed.
[00:06:20] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:06:22] Speaker B: And my wife wanted to subsidize his apartment and I said, okay, but we're going to put restraints on that. We're going to talk through and agree to principles that we will do that if he puts X amount towards retirement. X amount towards save. And so we're currently, we're working it together because I mean, this not like a perfect. He only, he only makes so much money. Like, could he really max out his retirement? Probably not with what he's making. But so, but I'm using that. And he's like, I love this idea. Let's do it, let's. And he, so he's taken it as like, continue to give me this wisdom to be set up with now that I'm adulting. I'm going to carry these principles forward. So I thought that was something I was really excited about because my wife's like, I'm like, I might do it, but I think we need to continue to train him. He's not, you know, he's eight, he's only 18 years old. So.
[00:07:11] Speaker A: Yeah, that's right.
[00:07:12] Speaker B: That was a pretty cool. I think we'll see how it works. But I'm pretty excited about just continuing that to kind of drive that this is how money works. Yeah.
[00:07:21] Speaker A: Okay. So Adam, you're, you're, you're already seeming like a genius and the things that you're describing, but I want, I want To.
I want people to know that you're a normal guy.
You. You are not.
I think sometimes on Abe's wallet, we only talk about people that have eight kids and live on 40 acres and raise chickens in the. In the backyard.
You live in a suburban house.
You and your wife work full time.
You have three kids.
You've. For most of your married life, you've gone to a big, big, successful church. And so I just want people to know that, like, it's not like you have to have some weird, outlandish homesteader lifestyle to raise godly, successful children and that I just want people to have a kind of a grid for. For who you are. I have to throw in also, because there's so much strong opinions on this. I think you're a great example of somebody who's. Your kids are in public school also, which is a dicey game in Cincinnati, by the way. And there's not a lot of families that can handle it because they won't. They won't take the time to train their children. And so the children get. Get mauled by the public school ideology and the culture.
And, man, you've had great returns. I. I have to compliment you in front of all these people. Like, you've. You've gone into threatening waters and your children are emerging intact, which is awesome.
But I just. I just say with this kind of normal life that you're living, there's a tension, which is, how are my kids, especially as they enter the teen years where the influence of peers and school culture, work. Culture has the potential of influencing them more than you do.
And you're sensing that threat. And I. And I use that word choicefully, a threat. It's not. It's. It's not arbitrary. It's not neutral.
[00:09:29] Speaker B: Well, I.
[00:09:30] Speaker A: Can they get them be influenced by me or by the world around them? No, it's not neutral. We want our children influenced by us first. We think that's our mandate under God.
So my question is, with this tension and the. Your kids are aging, how do you shape them? If you have limited time, which you have, you're. You. You have a successful career, as does your wife, you have limited time with your children. How do you shape them? Before we get into the particular road that, you know, I want you to walk down, what's your answer to that question?
[00:10:01] Speaker B: Yeah, I think I just keep thinking the whole time you're talking and for everybody listening. Stephen taught me almost all of these things is rhythms. I mean, rhythms is everything. But, I mean, I'll even Before I get into this like. And again, if you listen to this, you probably know rhythms are the key to success in everything you do. But of course implementing them for spiritual growth is enormous. So one is due to Steven's modeling we do a Shabbat every week. I think it's a really big deal. I mean there's many nights we're not eating dinner together, but Shabbat night we are. And it's a good time.
[00:10:34] Speaker A: Let me just interrupt. And again, I'm trying to draw a picture of your family for people.
Adam leads probably the most active family I know.
Every one of his kids are involved in multiple things all the time. There's sports going on. Caden just did like an improv class through the summer.
Caden took college classes while he was in high school.
I mean these are very. This is a very active family. So when you say we very rarely have dinner together, it's not because you guys are lazy. It's because you're running in a hundred directions. Right? Okay.
[00:11:15] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:11:16] Speaker A: So take us back to your.
[00:11:16] Speaker B: Which bothers me.
[00:11:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:18] Speaker B: So. So everyone could try to Shabbat and it's just a great time to like get back together to recenter as a family and to put God in the center of everything.
So one I think that's been really, really big for us related to that because of Shabbat. And we take the next day. So we do Shabbat then or we take the next day and we do zero work.
How do we get everything done then? So the day before we do a work day. And so that's another rhythm we have. And on that workday it's like we're taking. We're getting the family house together and planning and all that stuff as well's doing like. I mean our kids go to a pretty demanding school too. So there's a lot of homework being done, stuff like that. And so anyway, it's another rhythm. I guess it's not really a spiritual one. The other one for me that's been sacred since the day were born is bedtime. I love bedtime. I think they're incredibly sweet and ns even we've had this. It's so great. They're just so sweet and vulnerable and open and just use that time to. I think what I'm pretty good at. Like I don't have. You know, I'm not perfect in any way, but I just making Jesus practical like and real to people. And I just. I talk about how awesome he is and I talk about how I need him like all My warts and all that kind of stuff. And so it's a natural part of our bedtime and most of the time, honestly now is simple devotion. But we'll do a devotion and we'll talk about it and we always pray together as well. But I think that's another huge one that anybody can do.
[00:12:46] Speaker A: Okay, I. You just mentioned something that is innate to you. It seems natural to you, but I don't think it is for a lot of people. I think when people think I'm going to have a meaningful spiritual connection with my child at bedtime, I think they think I will give them some kind of content if it's. Whether it's a verse or a meditative thought. And then I will pray for them, which is great.
But what I heard you say was it's more.
What you did was more or included, like testimonial where you're telling them about your life and about your walk with Christ.
[00:13:26] Speaker B: Yeah. And just whatever naturally comes. Nothing pre planned, but we'll go over something. I'm like, oh my gosh, this reminds me of a time where God really came through for me.
Or this reminds me of the time where I made some bad choices and I needed.
I needed God's forgiveness. You know, stuff like that. So yeah, just naturally. And then they. They relate to that and can. Can lean into that.
[00:13:48] Speaker A: I'm going to jump to something that you were saying to me earlier about the need for your children to own the idea that following Christ is not a pursuit of perfectionism.
And the. They must know practically that when they fail, the Father does not send them away with a cloud of shame, but he can receive them back. And for every time that they would repent and come back to him, he would let them do so. Can you say more about that?
[00:14:24] Speaker B: You said it really well. It's like that's the gospel is that. And it's not preached a lot of places. And so our kids more caught. More is caught than taught. And Stephen, I know you and I both believe we're the priest of our home. We're the main conduit for God to come through. And so one of my connection points is when they mess up, it's like I want to be like, hey, let's say let's tell God you're sorry. Let's ask for. You know, and I'm always repentance. Sometimes it's not a. They just. It's too religious y for them. But let's tell God we're sorry. Let's. And you'll you'll be instantly forgiven. And so I'm sure I have my moments where I probably have a bad reaction, but I try to have a.
This is normal to make mistakes.
Not great, but there's a way. There's a way home and that's okay. Like this. This is. We're going to overcome. God can overcome this instantly. So just really, it's just the gospel.
[00:15:22] Speaker A: You've told us a couple of things that you. You have done to train your kids. Can you just review with us a couple more? I know that when we talked before, you mentioned a couple of books that you thought were these are musts.
[00:15:37] Speaker B: I'm glad you brought that up. To Train up a Child, I think is the best book you'll ever read as a parent. Can be controversial to some people.
I don't know read the Bible on that maybe. So controversial.
Oh, sorry, I should have said that.
[00:15:51] Speaker A: I think it's a great book.
[00:15:52] Speaker B: It really. It's a great way to train your kids in obedience. And again, Stephen, you gave me that book. And when I was a young believer, I became a believer later in life and I was like, this is. This is amazing for me to read through it. But the whole book is about teaching your children to obey, not just punishing them. Now when you. And when you go to punish them, it's because you've not done a good job training. And then you need to look at yourself and go, maybe I haven't trained this. This child correctly. But, Steven, you might. If you might want to add to. But I do. I'll say this and see if you want to add a little bit to the description of the book.
What it has helped my. I can tell you my. My sons have two sons and a daughter. The sons are older than the daughter.
I did not do a thorough job with her. And it shows.
[00:16:43] Speaker A: Isn't that the always the case? Is it with the first one and maybe less so with the second one, you're like, I'm going to do my very best.
And then life goes on and you're just so like, they'll get into the swing of things. It happens over and over with families. I've seen it over and over that.
[00:16:58] Speaker B: And I'm a sucker for a little girl.
[00:17:00] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:01] Speaker B: So. But what the boys mainly understands this too. But what the boys understand is I need to obey and learning obedience. And then you just transfer that. It's like we need to obey God as well. So they understand that it's a bad choice. It's sinful to not obey my Parents and the Lord. And so it's like they can get that concept at two or three years old. So my oldest son, it's funny, sitting right beside me now, working.
He asks for Jesus at three.
And I think it's because he's a super smart kid. He understood what his sin was. He understood that he made all these mistakes and that he needed him. He's going through a whole thing right now where he's learning to share the gospel.
And most of it is, how do you set up an unchurched or an unbiblical person on that you actually have sin and like morality. And there's a beautiful way to do that, but it's not easy.
And so for a kid, it's such a practical way to understand. It's like, yeah, I need somebody to save me. I can't do this.
[00:18:01] Speaker A: I'll just say about to train up a child. That one thing that blew my mind when I saw it as a young man was that Michael Pearl, the author, saw child training not as some mysterious soft skill that only the gurus could understand.
His, his whole approach was if you can train a dog or train a horse, then you could train children.
And I never thought of it as being that practical and simple and thinking, well, I could train my children to respect my voice. I could train them with regards to money.
I could train them to obey. I could train them to interface with other adults the way that they should. I could train them to behave in a, in a restaurant. I could train them so that they don't kick and scream when we're on a road trip, et cetera. And I've heard psychologists talk about this since then, in the intervening 15 years that you have the ability to develop the just the kind of child you want.
And if you want a child that's addicted to screens and has an 8 second attention span and yells whenever they don't get their way, you're entitled to that and you will create that child. But if you want to create a child who's patient, has self control, respectful of elders, et cetera, you can create that child too. And that's, it's an amazing privilege. And I, the, one of the main reasons I like to train up a child is because it knocks it all out of the ethereal theory and makes it super low key, super practical. Okay, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna throw in for you, Adam. You've done other things, kind of the things that you would expect the dad to do with his family.
You've done Kind of like churchy family camps with your family. You've done kind of retreats with your kids. You. You had that.
The deal with giving your kids interest, you know, just involved with them like. Like a Christian dad would be. However, the whole reason I'm interested in everything that we've said up to this point, but what you did in the last handful of years with your sons, I've never seen anybody do before. And I'm. Maybe they have, but you're in my world. So I wanted to get you on, to talk about what was the decision that you made when they were in fifth grade and you thought we. I can see from here, you know, when your kid's in fifth grade, there's still a little kid. And you've got their heart, and you. You're still their hero, but you can see it from where they sit.
I'm looking at the junior high, I'm looking at the high school years, and I know there's a possibility that our hearts might start gravitating in different directions or. What's scary for me is my child would start developing in a way that I'm not aware of because I'm not close to him. And we mustn't let that happen. So would you start describing what you started doing when your sons were in fifth grade?
Yeah.
[00:21:06] Speaker B: So great lead in. I mean, that was exactly like. I love being a dad. I'm not a fearful or anxious person. I don't say that out of pride. I think part of it. It's just I can. I dumbly have a lot of things that God's just gonna always come through. And I love that. Um, but I take being a dad as a grave responsibility. Like, they're.
You know, ultimately Jesus has to save them, but I'm mostly responsible for what they're exposed to and how they're gonna be shaped. As we were just talking about, I wanna say, a few months before fifth grade. It's probably six months out. I work on long timelines. I. I like to plan ahead. And I felt like God going, this is the year. We're gonna start this in fifth grade.
And so through some quiet times, God just continued to kind of prod me. Cause I was like, how do I do this? Who do I invite? And essentially what God said to me was like, let's. Let's go find people. But they've gotta. We gotta know that they're a Christian family already. Because if they don't talk about it, probably not very deep. And we gotta tell everyone that, hey, everyone's invited, but the Bible is going to be our ultimate authority.
And so I sent an email out to about 12 dads that I thought fit that criteria.
Three of them answered and were fully aligned with everything we had to do. And turns out that was the perfect number. So do the math. You know, with my family, that's four families, that's eight people. And then my middle son came with us, so that was nine of us.
But that's kind of.
[00:22:35] Speaker A: Were these all.
Okay, you're putting a. You're putting a boys Bible study together.
And you are. You're looking around your networks. Were they all families that went to the same school?
[00:22:50] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:22:52] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:22:52] Speaker B: So that was important to me. Stephen, I'm glad you brought that up, because I'm like, these guys and Stephen talked about public school in Cincinnati. We're probably the worst of it when it comes to.
We'll just call it not pro God and probably anything. Yeah. And so I knew they were going to be exposed to a very strong worldview.
And so a big part of this was I wanted them to not feel like weirdos. They're going along in this march together. And by the way, we had a lot of conversations as we dug in in this group. We would talk about biblical stuff and they would talk about, we can't talk about this at school, or if we bring this up, we get the hammer thrown down. And there was some great kind of camaraderie in that. Like, it's like we're all. We kind of look around and they'd all say the same thing. And it's like, but we have each other kind of. Boys don't say that. But that was kind of the feeling, you know what I'm saying? So, yeah, that was God's wisdom. But it turned out to be, like, perfect for what they needed.
[00:23:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
Okay, so you've got three other dads. I'm going to guess that those dads were like, what you're suggesting sounds good. I don't have any idea how I would do that, but yeah, I'll show up. What do you got? And then what did you do?
[00:24:07] Speaker B: Yeah, so that's about how it was.
Thankfully, like, a lot of my corporate career has given me a ton of experience in facilitating. And I've led a bunch of Bible studies before, so I think I'm pretty good at making things practical, involving everyone. Like, my goal wasn't to me, get up there and just teach.
And so for the first year, I told him, like, you just need to show up and do the Homework. And so for the first year I taught, but there wasn't a ton of teaching. I tried to make it. They had some homework to do. They had to bring that with them and create a discussion out of what we did. I know attention spans are short. And so it's about 30 minutes of reading. And then they had to bring two things that they thought God was speaking to them or that really stood out to them. And one question.
And so then we would take that back to the meeting. Now let me set up the meeting. Anybody can do this, by the way.
And don't be intimidated by the materials. Like, just go get something on Amazon. That's not that important. It's how you make the meeting and get everyone talking.
So for the meeting, first of all, I wanted them to bond. So we'd have about 30 minutes of play. So sometimes they'd throw the football around or kick the soccer ball. We evolved to. I'll tell you, the best one ever that anybody can do is the spike ball, because you can do it inside or outside. And they really got going on that thing. And the dads could get into it and all that kind of stuff. But 30 minutes of play. And they would always come in. I'd have like Gatorades and popcorn. And so they loved it. So they always come in sweaty. And a lot of times the dads and I would just be like talking, kind of like, okay, we feel good about this week, or just we would be bonding. Because I actually didn't know the other three dads very well at all.
So we'd be kind of bonding. And a lot of my first year especially, I was trying to make them feel comfortable. Like, hey, I don't have it all together here. I'm just trying to bring us all together so we can all keep running towards Jesus. And they were so great and we're all so different, but we really bonded.
[00:26:02] Speaker A: Well, I just have to comment on what you just said. It's, it's. It was a no brainer for you.
Okay. But I grew up in a big Baptist church setting where when the youth got together, it was volleyball and hot dogs and very little actual spiritual content.
And so when I wanted to be. I want to be a disciple, man. I want.
So I got into this mindset that if you really want to be serious about the Lord, we're cutting out all the fun.
And I learned over the years of making disciples, that's a such a stupid. That's such a stupid decision. That's not what my life is like, you know, I like fun.
I like things that are interesting.
And when you, if you want, you want to create a discipleship environment which is exciting, we're on the greatest pursuit that's ever occurred and it should be fun.
So if you want to guarantee that your children have no interest in the things of God, then just make sure that every time a Bible's open, it's the driest, most technical, non emotional time of their life. And then you will just assure that they're not interested forever. So I just think it's worth calling out that you instinctively said, well, if these kids get together and this is a boys Bible study, they should enjoy it. If I have to provide some cherry Coke and some cheese crisps to do that, then that's what I'm doing. I want this to be fun. That's great thought.
[00:27:45] Speaker B: Exactly. I want him to go, I'm looking forward to being there. Yes, that's a perfect. Okay, I'll just like welcome everybody in. We'd say a prayer and it. And it. And we would kick off the topic and never. Well, the boys may have got to some PowerPoints and stuff, but that was fun when they were teaching. But usually I just have like a piece of paper and I would just do a little bit of teaching hardly anymore, just to get everybody on the same page and make sure everybody read and stuff like that.
And then I would start, we would just start around the circle with the boys and be like, okay, Kaden, what did you learn from all of this?
And he would share what and it would be so just naturally then. And of course the first few meetings were a little.
But you get three or four in though, and they're like, they, they understand. Which by the way is an awesome byproduct. I understand how to talk in front of a group. I understand how to express my opinion. I know to talk, I know when to add. And we'll get into that. Like a lot. Like my brain just kept going, ooh, I can build more skills than them. So we'll get into that later. But some teaching them these same skills I was using to facilitate so they would share. And a lot of times a dad or another kid, and a lot of times it would lead to like the third or fourth kid was like, oh, I had very similar ones. And so you start to see these similarities in these themes build.
And the dads just naturally were doing some affirmation and they. By the way, it was pretty amazing at fifth grade, the things.
It's amazing what an innocent child can see and stuff. And sometimes it was the simplest, just this beautiful thing. And we would share. We're like, I've never seen that. And they'd be like the chest puffs up, you know, they're like, oh, you guys never thought of this. That's crazy.
So that's really how the conversations went. I'm just there to get things going. That's how I tried to think of it.
[00:29:30] Speaker A: You also had told me that you had some kind of trial and error trying to find a book to follow or something. And you ultimately didn't you just go through the Book of John?
[00:29:43] Speaker B: The first year I just knew I was doing the Book of John. So that was great.
But we tried some books in the later years and we realized sometimes the book was great. But basically the last few years the boys were really opinionated and they were like, we just like the Bible, like or just give us a book that's heavy in scripture. We think that's. We enjoy that the most.
So I think you can do. I think a book is totally fine.
We did like our. Our local church is a book about becoming a man. And it was an interesting for Bible study. I kind of had to make it all work. But it's great topics and it's like you don't have time find that one. It was really cool to kind of cast a vision and so like things like that like I think are helpful to kind of get you on a topic that you may really want to sink your teeth into the net of it is anything with scripture focus them on the scripture.
The word does what it does, man. It just can't be replicated.
[00:30:40] Speaker A: There's so much value in the simple thing that you just said which is think of an 18 year old boy who when the scriptures are open in front of him, he has a thought. He immediately thinks of what. How do you apply this? What am I supposed to do about this? And then he has developed the vocabulary and the skill to speak that forward.
I'm telling you, you've got the makings of a contributing father to the local church just with that skill.
And I read a book years ago which, which blew my mind in college called the Open Church by James Ruts.
He made the. He had the criticism which rung true to me is that our church structures built. They build.
They build mutes who. Whenever we are in a spiritual environment, we know to do one thing which is sit down and shut up.
That's our job.
Sit down and shut up. Let somebody else read the scriptures. Let somebody else give us their thoughts. Let somebody else pray a prayer.
That's not how the robust church militant is developed.
We have to put some meat on the table for our children.
They have to have the opportunity to internalize it.
They have to have the chance and even the pressure to. Now you must speak because a 25 year old who's just gotten married, who sits on his hands whenever the Bible is open because he doesn't know how to speak what's in his heart or how to react to the scriptures, this guy, his tools are cut off. You have cut him off at the knees and he doesn't know how to operate as a contributing member of the kingdom of God. So there must be an environment for these skills to be developed. We've told people about our yam thing that we do around here, young adult midrash, but you're developing those exact same skills in this, in this small group with your boys. I just have to call out, that's so important. And I, you know, Caden's sitting right beside you right now.
I went to lunch with Kaden in the last month or six weeks or something.
And his ability to speak from a deep heart place as well as a knowledgeable place about the scriptures and interface with me, a 50 year old about the things of God is so refreshing, so life giving and so impressive from a young man.
The present system doesn't do this. And so I just have to call out that when parents do this for their children, you're giving them a tool that's going to pay off for the kingdom for the rest of their lives. And yes, Adam, for your generations, like you already know that you can trust your grandchildren to whatever cadence going to produce. You're like, he's, if I dropped off the face of the earth today, I know that your grandchildren are going to be in a good spot because of where he is.
[00:33:56] Speaker B: That was a goal. Our goal was we want these kids to walk away knowing that the word of God is useful and I know how to use it. And we would tell them that, like, this is great, guys, this is what. And we'll get into some of our topics later, but we would get into like real life topics on sex and divorce and marriage and did it like, it's all here, it's all here and I know how to go find it. So that was so cool. And when you talked about like generations after generations, we would also speak over them as like, we hope you want to do this with your sons or your kids. And they'd be like, yes, of course, of course we're going to do this. And so it's so amazing how that stuff is just caught. Right. It's just crazy. And.
[00:34:34] Speaker A: Yeah. Just to say.
[00:34:36] Speaker B: So people aren't intimidated, too. Like, I started with just starting it up, and I knew I was going to go through John. That was it. And if you. If you just think through the layout we gave to you, this is not rocket science. It's not that hard.
[00:34:49] Speaker A: Yeah, great.
Okay.
So if. If. If somebody's listening and they're like, I'd love for my kids to be a part of an environment like that.
You would, say, start asking the Lord to highlight, say, three to five other dads that might want to join with you.
[00:35:07] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. And you could even have more than that. And do what I did and, like, just talk to him. Be like, hey, we're doing this. This is kind of the. Not a lot of rules, but here are the rules of engagement.
And. Yeah.
[00:35:20] Speaker A: Tell us what started happening in your last year in Cadence, senior year. What did you do topically with him?
[00:35:29] Speaker B: Yeah, so the last couple years, we had a. We had. I don't even know how we came up with this idea, but we're like. I think the dads came up with it. We're like, we want them to be able to talk about everything, anything. Let's brainstorm with them, like, all the hardest topics. And so we literally had like a Google sheet going. And we had. And at this point, they felt comfortable discussing anything with us. And so I want to, like, I can't remember all of them, but aliens was one, which is. So, by the way, you can get some really interesting biblical insight on that. And sex, premarital sex, divorce, marriage. What's going to happen when Jesus comes back? One of the first ones we did, which was, again, just a God thing. We don't plan it this way. Was, what's the difference between Christianity and Buddhism and Islam?
And for all of these topics, everybody had to go and had come back with, like, they had to at least, like, think, do two pieces of research that were biblical and two pieces that were from the world. What does the world say about this?
And another one of the dads thought of this. We've actually planned this out with them. We're like, okay, how are we going to. It's going to be kind of a debate.
We had a scapegoat every week, or devil's advocate, we called them, and they would come and present the worldly view and try to shove it down their throats. And it was after we discussed it and they would. And then we'd have a discussion.
So good. But what was amazing is the boys especially then, you know, probably 15, 16, because it's probably. This was basically our last two or three years we were doing stuff like this is they would come and be like, like, for example, premarital sex. They'd be like, oh my gosh, do you know the STD rate? Do you know that you carry this for your life? Do you know that?
Like, not even thing. I thought it'd be like teen pregnancy. Like they would come with all this. Like, why would you risk that? And then they would be like, well, this is what the Bible says. And like.
[00:37:24] Speaker A: And at the end they'd kind of.
[00:37:26] Speaker B: Go, we understand the temptation, but we see the wisdom and how God is guiding us in this. This is amazing.
[00:37:33] Speaker A: So stuff like that.
[00:37:34] Speaker B: It's pretty amazing. Yeah.
[00:37:36] Speaker A: I love that.
I love them guiding themselves through the hot button issues. And what they're doing, I don't know if this is said explicitly, is they're preparing themselves for the challenges to their own faith that they're going to be getting.
[00:37:51] Speaker B: We said, you guys are going to go to college and it's going to be the absolute opposite of what you're learning. Let's talk about these now and let's teach you how to.
[00:38:00] Speaker A: And that was.
[00:38:00] Speaker B: We talked about that a lot. Now you have a format where you know to go in. How do you, how do you answer these questions for yourself?
[00:38:07] Speaker A: Yes, I have to say that the training that you're giving, I mean, I feel very challenged by this, that the training that you gave to Kaden, we can look at, who's just graduated high school.
He's now on this like side quest to end all side quests where he is self training as a, as an apologist for the gospel. He wants to be able to share his faith with anybody from any background that has any objection. He wants to be able to, to shut them down and win the argument with, with logic and scripture. I mean, you taught him to develop those, those kinds of skills.
I think that's.
I mean, I think, I think what I want to say is I think people run across a person, a young man like Kaiden, and they think he's a mutant. I could never develop a person like this because he's a super Christian.
And you would say, well, he's doing what we trained him to do over years of conversations. And we just walked through the Bible and we started encouraging him to do a mock defense of his own faith. You know, like, it seems so practical. And it knocks down all of the illusions of. Whoa, there's this special magic fairy dust on him. No, you just gave him these tools over years.
I love that.
[00:39:36] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:36] Speaker A: You.
[00:39:37] Speaker B: You just said something that I want to. For the audience to know how to take pressure off them. You just said something like you taught him how to think this way or whatever.
But he's so much more advanced than me. All we did is present a way for him to kind of practice it and get confidence in it so the pressure's not on me to create him. That. That. Then the Lord just took that and he ran with it, because all we did is lay a simple foundation, you know, so.
[00:40:05] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:40:05] Speaker B: So it wasn't me that taught him all those. All those intricate PhD details that he now has. That was him just running with a concept. Another thing I would say is, like, when you were talking, it's like, it didn't happen overnight. It's like money. It compounds over time. You know, fifth grade to 12th grade is what, eight years?
[00:40:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:40:25] Speaker B: And so. And it was just a little bit. It's just. It's such a beautiful thing. Like, the money principle is just such a good analogy. It's not the only one. Or working out's the same thing. Just these little deposits can just grow so incredibly. That's what I would encourage. Like, start as soon as you can. Because, you know, even getting to 16, like, just because of. They have their own. They don't need you anymore to, like, drive them around. Like, your influence really starts to wane. So you get to start.
Start. I would say fifth grade is a really, really good time to consider it. I mean, it's not the perfect time, probably, but. So it's pretty good.
[00:41:01] Speaker A: Any other tips or thoughts? If a guy. If. If a guy has, you know, fourth, fifth grade kids and wants to start down this road, any other advice for him?
[00:41:11] Speaker B: I mean, this is like, with anything, just get started. There's no such thing as perfect. Like, I'm a big believer in. I don't believe in mistakes. Unless my heart was in the wrong place or I was lazy.
We don't know. We don't know. So just get going. Like, these things weren't, like, when I describe this to you, these nights weren't. Like, you wouldn't go in and be like, this was an oratory, amazing thing. No, it was just a discussion. And it was messy at times, but it's just creating this atmosphere. And I think I painted it. It's not like, it's not magic. Just, you ask The Lord in, and you do these basic things. So I would say it's just get started if we want to go down this path. I think a lot of the things I talked about earlier, like putting your kids to bed and just doing a simple devotional, like, that's a great way to get started. Another thing I would really encourage to think about, and this is another just God prodding for me as they were getting older, is find things they love. This is back to your. Make it fun, and just connect with them that way. Don't connect with them where it's always about, did you do your homework? Or, let's do our prayer time. Let's have some time where we can tie, as Michael Pearl would say, tie the strings of your heart as much as you can.
And so, like, I was a terrible golfer, and my boys loved it. And I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna attack this. Like, I attack everything else in my life I want to be good at. We're gonna take lessons together. We're gonna go play together. And it's been so fun to kind of grow together.
And now I'm on this journey trying to figure out with my daughter. I've actually started making a list of, like, because we're just built so different, but I adore her to death, but she's so girly.
[00:42:45] Speaker A: And so, yeah, I'm creating a list.
[00:42:47] Speaker B: Of, like, what are the ways that we really like to connect? And I'm trying to do more and more of that. So it's.
[00:42:52] Speaker A: It's.
[00:42:52] Speaker B: I think it's gonna be much more natural for whatever your gender is, but, you know, study who they are and what they, like. Find those things, like, make that a priority. I think I would make that as much a priority as, like, Shabbat. It's like, I'm gonna at least one day a week, take them out for ice cream or go watch a baseball game or whatever. It's like.
It's the same concept as starting with 30 minutes of playtime. It's like, it's gotta be a. They gotta want to. They gotta want to be drawn to you and enjoy.
[00:43:21] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:43:21] Speaker B: It doesn't mean that you can't. I'm. I'm. I'm the disciplinarian in our family. My kids are happy to be disciplined like me because they. They know it's from a place of love.
So, anyway, that's. That's another big tip, and that's a fun one. You can start that anytime. Take them to the playground for a walk, like of course. And I'm sure everybody's doing that, but just if you're doing it, be affirmed, like, keep doing it. Like when they become teens, it's not as natural. I think that's probably why I'm bringing it up. As they start to grow, it's more natural to want to be on their own or go out with friends. That's all fine, but put it on their calendar. They'll, they will enjoy it.
[00:43:55] Speaker A: That's great. Thank you, Adam. So good. I, I just want to reiterate something that Adam said at the beginning, which is that having weekly rhythms of input are a must.
And even if you feel like, well, I was weak, I was weak this week, I didn't put much time into our little Shabbat thing or the, the, the boys group that we did, it was, it was a dud. But, but I'm not giving up the weekly rhythm of input. I'm going to stay consistent over the years.
And I have to underline for all of us that creating a group with a couple of other families is genius for accountability and having a good, fun peer group for your children. It's so important that they would feel that I'm in this with a couple of other people. I'm not the only weirdo out in the woods. I've got another couple of guys who are walking down the same road with me. And I'll just have to say for everybody, you might not be able to start a church. That might not be your calling.
You might not even be able to find a dozen guys to put a wonderful midrash together, but you can do this.
You can have a weekly Bible study with your child and you can find one or two or three other dads who care enough to show up and say, guys, I want us to raise the bar and I want us to raise kids that follow the Lord together. And Adam, I just have to say to you, you're not done parenting, but the early returns are in and you're getting a good report card right now. You're going to continue to father Caden and his post high school years, his post college years.
You've got a high schooler, you've got a middle schooler, you're not done. But we do look at these report cards and these check ins of these times of our children's lives, and they matter. And I just have to say, I just wanted you to put you in front of our people because your report cards are looking so good right now. So I bless you in that and I thank you for your time with our crew.
[00:46:00] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:46:01] Speaker A: I'd like to close with a couple of verses that, that you mentioned to me. And, and one of them was Malachi 2. 15.
Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek?
What is it, Adam?
[00:46:19] Speaker B: God.
[00:46:22] Speaker A: He seeks godly children.
He wants that from you guys who are listening to this. He wants godly children from you.
So be on your guard.
That. That phrase doesn't occur a whole lot in the Bible. Be on your guard. And I'll tell you one of the things that it occurs with. You might know this verse. It's in Luke chapter 12. I think it's 12:15.
And it says, be on your guard against all kinds of greed.
So you don't be on your guard, just kind of knowing, well, I could get attacked by a bear tonight. So that's good to know. Good night, everybody. We hope you don't get attacked by bears. You be on your guard by putting out traps and by sleeping with bear spray beside you. You take active steps to keep.
To keep greed away from you, because greed is coming for you. Fact.
Secondly, this verse, godly offspring is what God wants, so be on your guard.
What do you. What do you think that God could be saying here when he says, I want godly offspring, so be on your guard.
It means that it's totally present for you to be a nice Christian person. And you go to church and you are moral and you don't steal paper clips from the job, and your children aren't godly.
So you must be on your guard and actively guard against not giving God what he desires from your family, which is godly offspring. Be on your guard. Take steps to prevent the worst thing happening, which is not giving God godly offspring.
It also throws in, do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. That's in Malachi. That's that same verse, Malachi 2:15.
And. And this cementing of covenant relationships in a family as a paramount importance to the God of the universe, he wants godly offspring. That means faithfulness to a wife and the training of children happens through efforts and intentionality. That's why I appreciate Adam so much, because he does these things intentionally.
And I. I can't leave. I know that it's so common that it becomes a cliche, but I don't care. I'm going to repeat God's word over and over in Proverbs 22:6 says, Train up your children in the way they should go if you train them in it, when they age, as a principle, they will not depart from that way that you have trained them to walk in.
So I. I keep feeling this, Adam, it might be corny or whatever, we don't do this very often, but I wonder if you would pray for the dads listening, that they might be faithful fathers.
[00:49:14] Speaker B: I was just thinking about that. We have a little book we left our boys with and on the back of it is our Aaronic blessing that I'll see every year. So thank you, Stephen, for the opportunity that I appreciate. I was just gonna ask you if I could, so thank you. Great father, God, Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit, you're so good. You're such a great father. And Lord, the people listening to this, we want your will. We want the best that you have for us and our family and our children.
So Lord, that we know you and walk with you and show you to others. And I just want to bless everyone with what we end every Shabbat with. It's so beautiful so that they just receive this as a blessing. The Lord is already blessing you and he is taking care of you. The Lord is already making his face to smile upon you and he is giving good gifts to you.
The Lord is already looking you in the face and establishing his shalom. Completeness, lack of no good thing for you. And he has put putting his name upon you and blessing you. In Jesus name, we bless you and we ask for these things.
[00:50:28] Speaker A: Amen.
