Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] A wise husband asks his wife, a weak husband obeys her. Those are not the same thing. If the only leadership in your house is that you pay the bills, but your wife picks all the directions and makes all the decisions about what the family is going to do, you don't have a marriage. You have a financing arrangement with a manager. Today we're going to Talk about how 1 Peter 3 tells you how to honor your wife and as the weaker vessel without flipping First Corinthians 11:3 on its head and how I'm using that in a live scenario happening in my house this week. That's today on Abraham's Wallet.
[00:00:46] Hi, folks. Welcome back to Abraham's Wallet. My name is Steven Manual. I'm alone today and want to talk to you about an issue that came up in a conversation I had recently with Jeff Davenport.
[00:01:01] There are some things God won't tell you personally. He'll only tell you through other people.
[00:01:06] And I've always loved that. And there are many times that what my wife says to me about how I'm coming across, especially towards my children, yes. My pride goes up and goes, no, no, no. I'm just, I'm just trying to hang on, pal. Like, listen, listen. So the issue that Jeff talked about was whether we are listening to our wives or not and how we can do that in a God honoring, biblical way.
[00:01:35] So there's a couple of ditches that we can fall into. As with so many things, there's a ditch we can fall into with the way that we relate to our wives and specifically listening to them, which I'm going to tell you that we should do.
[00:01:49] Ditch number one is the tyrant idea, which is that the dude doesn't ask. He announces everything.
[00:01:58] He rolls in and makes a decree.
[00:02:03] This is what we're going to be doing. There's no input, there's no discussion.
[00:02:08] The kids are exasperated. Ephesians 6:4 says that we're to watch out for the exasperation of our children.
[00:02:16] That doesn't mean that we don't do things that they don't like, by the way, because that's what parenting is. But if the trend of their life, the hallmark of their relationship with their father is that he only exasperates me. I don't know what he's about. I don't understand him. Why does he only bring frustration into my life? That's an exasperated child.
[00:02:39] If that's the temperature of your house and you might be in this first ditch of the tyrant. The wife is someone who is managed. She's not known.
[00:02:50] You just tell her what to do and you hope that she executes robotically.
[00:02:56] That's ditch number one. I think that is way less common than ditch number two, which is not the tyrant, it's the abdicator.
[00:03:05] There's a biblical model for this. It's a very important model that happens both in the Old Testament and in the end times.
[00:03:15] It's the picture of Ahab, who was a weak, deferential, abdication kind of man his whole deal. And I'm going to use the language that we hear so often now, he supports her dreams.
[00:03:29] That's his whole role in life.
[00:03:31] She wears, you know, T shirts that she gets at Target that says the queen of the castle or something like that.
[00:03:40] And his whole disposition is that he supports her dreams. She sets the calendar, she decides the school, the church, the mood of money in the home, the friendships, who will be double dating with all that kind of stuff. He is the ATM and the janitor.
[00:03:59] So he kind of has to set the table for her dreams to come true. Then he gets to clean everything up. Culture, I want to underline this so strongly. Culture calls this a good man.
[00:04:10] This is what a good man is, culturally speaking. We just saw it with this Clancy case where these women who can't rush onto TV quick enough to tell us their experience was that I'm going to change their language around. My interpretation is we tried to browbeat this dude, this hero, we tried to browbeat this juror, this holdout guy, and he wouldn't be moved.
[00:04:38] He's not acting correctly. And the line on this guy in culture is that we couldn't push him around. What a problematic man he is.
[00:04:49] And we Abrahamic men are sitting on the side, you know, that emoji with the eyeballs, looking around, and we're kind of going, I think he might be the hero in this case. What a dude.
[00:05:01] But culture calls the abdicator the good man. It's the only way you can be an acceptable man in modern American culture is to be the abdicator and to relent on everything and anything that mom cares about. Then she gets to rule.
[00:05:20] Scripture would call that something like a vacant head.
[00:05:23] Thus the abdicator line. He's supposed to be at the head, he's supposed to be leading, but he's not leading. So what we're after is consulted headship. She's in the room, she's at the table, she's at the conference table. She's just not the chair. She's not the chair of the board.
[00:05:42] So I'm in the middle of a sticky church discipline issue that I'm in the middle of right now and I have pulled my wife in on purpose and I'm going to tell you why, and I will tell you where I will not let this decision migrate to.
[00:05:56] So I'm going to give you a little biblical architecture for this whole scenario so that we can get some firm answers. So let's start with 1 Corinthians 11:3, which I referenced before. And it's God's non negotiable order here. It is. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband. Or some translations say the head of a woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
[00:06:25] So the head of every man is Christ. There's a little org chart in this verse. The head of a wife is her husband and the head of Christ is God.
[00:06:34] So even the Son who's equal in deity to the Father, lives under a head.
[00:06:41] So a headship isn't who's more valuable, it's who bears the verdict, who who has the responsibility of the decisions.
[00:06:51] So when Jesus is on earth, Jesus is equal in deity to the Father, but according to that verse, his head is the Father.
[00:07:02] So is one more valuable than the other? Of course not. They're one in nature. But there's a headship that happens there.
[00:07:10] Similarly, we have to see that the way that a wife relates to a husband is not a question of who's more valuable.
[00:07:19] We're both image bearers of God. We're both of incredible value. The question isn't even who has gifts, who has spiritual gifts, who has leadership gifts. The question isn't who's smarter.
[00:07:32] There is a headship that God has ordained. And I'm quick to say that in the same way that Christ is the head of man, man is the head of woman. That's pretty definitive. That's pretty strong language. I didn't write the verse. It's 1 Corinthians 11:3. And Paul says we have to understand this.
[00:07:53] So first Peter 3:7.
[00:07:57] Okay, here's the verse I'm referring to. When I talk about weaker vessels, it is likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. I just love this verse.
[00:08:19] So it says, live with her according to the knowledge that she is weaker, that she's an heir with you according to the grace of life. That's that kind of.
[00:08:29] There's something very holy about her. She's an image bearer of God living with her.
[00:08:35] And the way that you relate to her isn't based on the vibe of the moment. It's not based on who's louder or who gets in their feels in stronger ways. That's how so many decisions are made in families today is that she's really upset about it. So I guess I got to do what she says.
[00:08:56] That's the dumbest line I've heard about making a decision that's as dumb as My kid really wanted ice cream for dinner and they started crying about it.
[00:09:05] We can't have crying kids. So I just thought, okay, it's ice cream for dinner.
[00:09:10] No, that's not how we make decisions.
[00:09:13] We make decisions. You know who gets to make the decision is based on hierarchy, responsibility, authority.
[00:09:20] So we relate to our wives with this knowledge that's in this verse that she's a co heir of ours. And I love the end of this verse is so that your prayers will not be hindered.
[00:09:34] Now when I hear that warning I think of both of the ditches that we described at the beginning. That you can't browbeat your wife and bully her around all the time and give her no voice. And she's only. She is like a child. She's on the receiving end of all of your dictates and she has no say in the matter.
[00:09:56] I think your prayers are going to be hindered in that scenario. You're not treating her as a weaker vessel. You're not deferring to her and folding her in and carefully listening to her. In the same way I think that our prayers can be hindered according to this verse if we don't live with our wives in the way that I'm the leader, I answer to God for our home.
[00:10:22] I am the final decision maker.
[00:10:25] So to completely punt on those things, you're in danger of your prayers not being heard that way either. So just to say the weaker what is the weaker vessel language. It doesn't mean that she's stupid.
[00:10:38] It doesn't mean that she's a child. It doesn't mean that she's like the mascot of the family she's there for to be arm candy. What do they say? Like the trophy wife.
[00:10:48] She's just. No, she is more breakable in her body.
[00:10:54] She's often more load bearing in the relational scene of the house because men just aren't wired usually to be sophisticated in relationships. I go to My wife often on intel for my teenage daughters, I want to understand their mindset and their pressures. So I go to my wife for Intel. She has built in hardware that makes her more sensitive to relationships than maybe I am. So I want to honor that. And I don't want to invert this weaker vessel thing into the tyrant thing, like protect her from all hard decisions so that she will basically be on the couch. And there are hard decisions in her life and even the management of the home, the management of the children, as much as that falls on her, you know, a lot of schooling traditionally falls onto the wife is making the decisions while dad's out in the workplace. She's making all kinds of decisions about schooling for the kids. And those are hard decisions and she needs to be authorized. And at the same time, if I've been in the workplace making decisions all day and fighting battles there, come home, realize she's a weaker vessel. She's been also fighting battles in at home. And it's funny, I know I'm getting off a tangent here, but everybody imagines when we come home at the end of the day, every man fantasizes that the wife is going to be, oh, honey, you're home, the lord of the manor is here, I have this hot meal waiting for you. Let me hug you.
[00:12:35] Can I unbutton a couple of buttons on my top? And you know, forgive me for getting a little salacious there. I'm just describing to you, this is the fantasy of a man is that the whole day has been engineered about his coming back home. And the whole with the household is, I got it all cleaned up for when you come home.
[00:12:55] Maybe that's your world, but that's most guys fantasies. Similarly, wives have a fantasy that when the husband comes home, his only thought is, what are the problems here? How was your day? How can I just turn into a house slave immediately when I walk in? What do I need to do? Both of those are unrealistic. There are times when I guess both of those could happen. If anybody's inspired by the Holy Spirit to do either one of those things, that's great. But we live in a world where I've had struggles in my day, my wife has had struggles in her day. When we come back together as a family at the end of the day, I just want to have a little bit of sensitivity to realize I'm working with somebody who is weaker, a weaker vessel. The Bible says so. So I should give a little grace and be a little deferential to her. So the last Passage I want to throw in is that Proverbs 1 through 9 describes Lady Wisdom.
[00:13:54] Okay, so we're not going to read those passages, but it happens over and over in those chapters.
[00:14:00] Proverbs personifies wisdom as a woman who is calling out in the streets. She is offering wisdom to those who will listen.
[00:14:09] Folly is also a woman in these chapters. And I want to say about this, this is a literary personification of Jehovah's wisdom. It's not the feminine voice in your household that's automatically the voice of God.
[00:14:25] I think that's important to.
[00:14:28] To outline that I have actually heard husbands say, well, my wife, of course, she's the wisdom of this household.
[00:14:35] Wait a second. No, the wisdom of God is the wisdom in your household. And you have the spirit of God. And she has the spirit of God.
[00:14:43] So there's a literary personification of God's wisdom as a woman, Lady Wisdom. And in the first chapters of Proverbs, that means that a wife can be the channel of that wisdom. That's very important. That's one of the basic things I wanted to say in this whole episode, is that a wife can be a channel of God's wisdom. The Proverbs also say the fool despises counsel.
[00:15:11] So a king takes counsel, takes counsel, and then he makes a decision.
[00:15:18] So it seems like we have this kind of false choice many times where I either have to let my wife make all the decisions, or I make all decisions and I don't need to hear from her.
[00:15:30] That's just not wise. The wisdom is, I want to hear from my wife. And as I'm listening to my wife, I'm listening for, is this the wisdom of God? Often it is.
[00:15:41] It's not always the wisdom of God, but often it is. And so we as husbands should be smart enough and sensitive enough to go, God's spirit lives in my wife. Let's see what she thinks about things and to bring her in to decision making. So lady wisdom is not your wife, but a wise wife is one of the first places a man should go looking for her. Make sense? Lady wisdom is not your wife, but a wise wife is one of the first places a man should go looking for her. So we listen. We're not just coronating our wives, we're listening.
[00:16:16] Okay, so I just thought I'd give you a personal story here.
[00:16:23] I'm in the teeth of a chewy church discipline issue. And there's, as there always is on these things, if you know these waters, there's some politics around it. There's some people who are not happy with me just, just by the fact that I'm walking through them. If you ever get into church discipline or any sort of Matthew 18 issue or any sort of judges, you know, being a church judge kind of a situation, people will not be happy with you. And there will be people tell you you're doing the wrong thing and you should have done it this way. And why didn't you say it this way? I remember at the last church I was on staff with, we were often told, if you ever walk into Matthew 18 waters, where you're actually doing correction of sin, which we're commanded to do in the Bible. It's just way, way countercultural right now. Nobody corrects sin ever of anybody for anything, ever, ever. Including murdering your own children. Oh, no, we don't. We just don't correct things. If you ever walk into those waters, this is what it was told to me at my last church. There will be accusations you're doing it the wrong way, you should do it this way. You weren't nice in the way that you said this, but that was really hurtful the way you did. Blah, blah, blah.
[00:17:40] All of that stuff that will happen when you walk into these waters. Well, it's happening to me right now. I'm not offended by it or shocked, but it's happening to me. So what do I do?
[00:17:49] One of the things that I do regularly is I keep my wife updated with all of the changes happening in this. And I am just trying to go to her and go, am I losing my mind here? Am I being arrogant here? Am I being unsubmissive? Am I either abdicating the responsibility that God's given me, or am I being tyrannical? I mean, literally, I'm asking those very questions to my wife on this issue.
[00:18:15] What I'm doing when I get her input is I'm not saying, you tell me what to do and I'll do it.
[00:18:24] That's the inverse of First Corinthians 11, 3. That's not appropriate.
[00:18:28] I'm getting her input because one, I want another mind involved so she sees tone and timing. She can kind of intuit who's brittle, who's posturing, who's over emotional right now. And I just want to bounce thoughts and options off her.
[00:18:46] I'm not outsourcing the verdict.
[00:18:48] I'm just getting some input from her.
[00:18:52] I'm getting another mind. My wife is sharp. I really appreciate her perspective. Number two, I'm strengthening the in house covenant.
[00:19:01] So if you've ever been in conflict and come out on the short end of the stick.
[00:19:06] And your wife doesn't know anything about the issue. She just knows that people are now talking about you. She's in a very uncomfortable position.
[00:19:13] So she is wondering to herself, well, was my husband wrong?
[00:19:18] Are all these people that are mad at him, are they correct, et cetera.
[00:19:21] Because she didn't know. So she's just sat there trying to deal with the consequences. This is what happens to all of these wives who they find out the My husband was embezzling money at the workplace, and there's usually divorce that happens there because the wives go, I wasn't in on any of this decision. I don't know what life you're living without me. What are we doing here? And they hit the eject button. They're gone.
[00:19:45] I'm trying to include my wife in the story so that whatever happens in the end, what I know is that my wife and I are in lockstep. I know that we walked through these things together. She was aware of the decisions I was making.
[00:20:01] Which brings me to my third point of why I would loop her in.
[00:20:05] Because she's praying for me, and I want her informed prayers, and I want to be telling her what's going on.
[00:20:13] So we've been praying together. We're walking down the same road. And whatever happens, if it's trouble that happens, we go through it together and we're on the same team.
[00:20:24] If something goes good, I'm so happy to share the joy of that moment. There's no credit. Exactly. But if there's any glory in that moment or the goodness of that, I can share that with her and go like, praise God. We kind of heard his voice together and walked through this wisely, et cetera, et cetera. So I just give that as an example. I want my wife's wisdom in the deliberation. I kept the decision. It's my decision.
[00:20:50] And that's the difference between honoring her and submitting to her.
[00:20:57] This is hierarchy. She's supposed to submit to me. I'm supposed to submit to Christ.
[00:21:02] But interestingly, I can hear Christ in her.
[00:21:06] And so that's what we're talking about when we talk about the wisdom of listening to your wife.
[00:21:12] So if you need a script for this kind of conversation with your wife, I'll just say I frame the problem to her. I described everything around her. I'm not trying to keep anything from her. We are one.
[00:21:26] So I want her to know everything.
[00:21:28] I name the options in front of me. As I see them, and I simply ask, is there anything you think I'm not seeing? Do you think that there is somebody getting hurt that I can't see? Do you think, where's my pride in this?
[00:21:41] And that can be a tough question for a husband to ask a wife if they're not in unity.
[00:21:47] But I do want the answer to that and I want to hear it from my wife.
[00:21:51] Don't ask, what do you want me to do?
[00:21:54] I mean, I'm just trying to. I'm trying to get wisdom. And you might say, I think this is my plan. I think I want to do these steps and I present this to her. You think I'm missing anything in there? Okay. So I also told my wife that I would make a decision and I would tell her what my decision was. We're in the middle of that with a parenting issue right now, and she's waiting for me to declare what my decision is. And I haven't made it yet.
[00:22:19] And I'm happy to record this podcast episode and not think about it for an hour. So, ha, ha, anyways, she's waiting on that decision. She's gonna be looped in before the kids are looped in and et cetera, et cetera. So the modern over index. I just wanna spend a little more time here because it happens, as I said, so often, it's so common, which is the wife leads with her feelings. Whatever she feels, that's where the decisions get made. And he just kind of funds it.
[00:22:49] He kind of resources her decisions that are being made because of her feelings. She sets the moral temperature of the home. When I say the moral temperature of the home, I know really sweet guys whose wives are foul mouthed and the children are foul mouthed because they see it at home in this way, the wife has set the moral temperature of the home. Then that applies everything from dress to spending money, you name it.
[00:23:20] So she sets the moral temperature.
[00:23:23] She decides where the schooling is going to be, where we're going to go to church, who our friends are going to be, what happens with screens and technology in our home, what happens on holidays.
[00:23:33] She makes these declarations about what the kids need, and when that phrase is used, oh, dad, it is no. I don't know what to say anymore. I guess you win because you said the kids need it or you don't appreciate my needs or blah, blah, blah.
[00:23:47] And in this case, he abdicates. His praise again comes from just being supportive. That's the whole modern ethic of a man, is, are you supportive or not? This is the whole value of a man, is being supportive of all the decisions and felt needs of your wife.
[00:24:10] Disagreement is always recorded as unsafe. That's a magical word. It happens in many marriages around me.
[00:24:20] That is a trigger word that our culture has come up with. You won't find that word in the Bible, but when a wife feels unsafe, she then feels authorized by the culture to do anything she wants, including retaliation and anything.
[00:24:38] Oh, you've made me feel unsafe. Oh, gosh. Well, then all is lost. Now his yes is assumed and his no requires a 40 minute processing session because it's, it's immediately crossed arms and excuse me, No, I can't go on the weekend with my friends and spend three months of our family budget.
[00:25:03] I mean, I'm not against weekends with friends. I encourage them for my wife, who is more of a performer and she works, works, works, and I want her to have more weekends with her friends. But for many wives, they think that they're going to get a yes for every idea that they have. And being challenged by their husband at any point is a major, major issue.
[00:25:26] So what happens with the dude, the Ahab kind of dude, is that he's conflict avoidant.
[00:25:33] We always call this in modern Christian culture, peace.
[00:25:37] He wants a peaceful home. Now every man, every man wants a peaceful home. There is no man that wants conflict inside his own home.
[00:25:47] That's true of your parenting style. It's definitely true in your marriage.
[00:25:52] There is no guy that wants trouble under his own roof. We want our homes to be a place of respite for us.
[00:26:00] So when we avoid conflict that we need to have, that's a really good internal thing to do, guys, is to tell yourselves, I need to have this conflict. This is worth it. I've thought that before when I thought, I have to go up to the school and I have to make this conflict happen.
[00:26:19] I need to challenge what I'm hearing from my students that the teachers are saying at school.
[00:26:26] And I'll think to myself, is it really worth it? It's not going to make a difference. Oh, what's the point? I mean, we all have that kind of reflex. And I have to say to myself, and kind of wanted to say it definitively and underline it.
[00:26:39] I have to make this conflict happen.
[00:26:42] There's not going to be a pleasant day to do it.
[00:26:46] You know, when are you going to create conflict with your wife on a pleasant day so that you ruin the day or no, you won't?
[00:26:53] Am I going to do it on a bad day when everybody's frustrated. No. And I'm going to make the bad day worse. Oh, no, I'm not going to do that.
[00:27:00] There's never a good time to create conflict, but we have to say to ourselves, this is a conflict day, and in the name of God, I have to make this conflict happen.
[00:27:10] So a godless man who just wants to avoid all of the trouble and he doesn't take the position that God's given him is conflict avoidant. And he calls it peace.
[00:27:22] And we are discipled by sitcoms and movies. I was thinking that in preparation for this episode that we, so many of us, our only models for what a marriage is supposed to look like come from TV shows and movies.
[00:27:39] It's sad, but it's true. And we get discipled by sitcoms, by hr, by counseling and therapy, culture and soft church talk that treats headship as an embarrassment. We don't talk about it because it's kind of like it's a little weird, a little awkward. It's not weird or awkward. It's God's plan. As we've said here before, he has a patriarchal kingdom and he leads patriarchal households. And it's not bad. I just want you to know I'm on the receiving end of a patriarchal life because I have a father who tells me what to do and he is so gracious and he is so merciful and when he corrects me, it is so good. And I regret nothing about his fatherly kingdom.
[00:28:28] I want more of his kingdom because it is the gateway into open fields of joy and life and happiness. And I want that in my home. And somebody has to step up and go, 1 Corinthians 11:3 has to happen in this house. That's me.
[00:28:44] I've seen tyrant fathers who have overcorrected into relational wastelands in their homes. I knew those families growing up and I know that this kind of over indexing, peaceful, conflict averse dad is a reaction to that which I think happened more in previous generations.
[00:29:07] The wives these days, women are often more verbal, they're more present to the kids weather situation, they're more networked. Often they have more friends and can connect the families to other people.
[00:29:23] And so the house kind of defaults to her dashboard.
[00:29:27] But the fruit of it is that sons learn that masculinity means this kind of payment plus pickup deal. I fund everything and I'll just kind of clean up and make sure that her dreams come true. Daughters learn that a husband's job is to underwrite everything that she wants to Do.
[00:29:47] It's a bad model. It is crucifying our future generations. Those two pictures of a son being submissive and a girl growing up and thinking, I will dominate and I'll find some man who will pay for my dreams to come true.
[00:30:04] We are shipwrecking our future generations.
[00:30:07] The man grows quietly resentful and spiritually dull.
[00:30:13] He is a head who will not decide. And eventually he can't pray. Did we see that in this verse?
[00:30:19] That a man who doesn't lead correctly eventually can't pray?
[00:30:23] And so there's a spiritual atrophy that happens.
[00:30:28] And then when real crisis hits, we find that the chair that only a man can fill around the boardroom of the household is vacant.
[00:30:39] And now there's only a committee that's left. And whoever screams loudest is going to win the day.
[00:30:46] So here's our bottom lines. Here's my practical counsel for you. Number one, classify the decision before you talk about it.
[00:30:57] The issues that are hers to run, they're domains that you've delegated to her. And I'm happy for her to make the decision. I want her to make the decision. I don't want to be brought in on it unless there's trouble.
[00:31:09] So that's one domain. It's hers to run. There's another domain, which is this is being consulted.
[00:31:17] These are big directional calls. It could be conflict. And I want to bring her in.
[00:31:23] Let's talk through it. And then there are some which are yours alone. And you're just going to have to report them to you. Because maybe time wise, you couldn't bring her in as a consult at all. Maybe you had to make a decision.
[00:31:35] You were hauled in in front of HR and you had to make a declaration on the spot. I don't know.
[00:31:41] I would still walk my wife very patiently through those because I want her to understand why we made the decisions.
[00:31:49] So we're asking for sight.
[00:31:51] We're not asking for a verdict.
[00:31:54] We're gonna honor the weaker vessel in peace and not authority.
[00:31:59] So, like you wouldn't ambush your wife at 11pm I've got it. I demand an answer from you. Honey, Not a good time.
[00:32:07] So give time to think and pray and then you'll still make the decision.
[00:32:12] Decide out loud. I like that phrase, decide out loud, which is I'm putting the pieces together and then I'm telling her the decision because I want her involved.
[00:32:21] The after action is together.
[00:32:24] I want to be in unity with my wife. I want us to be on the same page. Don't Exasperate the children while you recover the chair.
[00:32:31] So if you have been somebody who has vacated the chair at the leadership table of your household, that doesn't just mean a week of sudden decrees where you turn into a tyrant and then you start striding around with your fist in the air.
[00:32:50] It's going to have to be consistent. It's going to have to be explained and try to make it as non theatrical as possible. Just say, I always like making decisions like this with repentance and saying, I want to apologize to the family. Here's some passages and read some Bible verses to your family. Some of the Bible verses we've talked about today, you could read from 1 Peter 3, you could read from 1 Corinthians 11. You could say, I'm challenged by these verses and I just want to repent to you all that this has not happened in our home and it falls on me. And I want to come to you asking for an apology, and I mean asking for forgiveness. Sorry.
[00:33:30] And I want the family to know that things will change by God's grace.
[00:33:36] It's not because I want to rule and I haven't been able to rule and now I'm going to start ruling. No, no, no, no. It's that things are out of order in our house and God has declared an order and I haven't wanted it. I'm not a tyrant. I don't want to browbeat everybody here and make you do what I want. But gosh, I.
[00:33:55] I have relented with the leadership that God calls me to, and I can't do it anymore. So there's going to be some changes.
[00:34:03] All have grace with each other.
[00:34:05] I'm gonna lead around here. I'm gonna start leading, and that doesn't mean I'm gonna stop listening to my wife. It's a complicated knot to tie, which is why I'm talking about it today.
[00:34:16] If you're the leader and you're declaring, gosh, I'm going to be the leader of this household you need to talk through with your wife. I need your wisdom to do the job God has called me to. I want to consult with you. I need your input.
[00:34:32] But it's not the same thing as me shrugging my shoulders and giving decisions to you. That's not what I'm trying to do. So please, please, let's walk through this together.
[00:34:40] Your kids will feel more secure if they know who's in charge of your household. And they know that it's not led by emotion, high emotion. It's Actually a hierarchy that's not in question in the household.
[00:34:54] So I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ.
[00:35:01] The head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
[00:35:06] Christ is your head, you are hers. And that order is a gift from God. It's the way that things hold together in the kingdom and households of God.
[00:35:20] So we have to honor our wives as a co heir and as a weaker vessel. We want to take her counsel like a king would listen to the intel from a spy or the intel from a prophet. I feel that God's saying this and this.
[00:35:36] My wife says those kinds of things to me and they matter a lot to me. I'm not going to sign a blank check and say that. If she begins a sentence with I feel like God is saying, then I'm definitely going to submit to it.
[00:35:49] But I put a lot of stock in my wife saying I feel like maybe God is saying xyz. Oh, you got my attention.
[00:35:56] And I'm taking that counsel like a king who's listening to spies or prophets. I need that intel.
[00:36:04] So I'm not going to make her the head so that I can stay liked in my house and get her approval.
[00:36:12] I'm not going to make her a prop so that I can feel like I have unlimited dominion and no one questions me. My, my family certainly has the right to question me.
[00:36:24] So a wise man listens to his wife, particularly if she is a wise wife.
[00:36:30] A wise husband and father listens to his wife and brings her in as an advisor. He does not obey and submit to her as if she's in charge. And what she says is the bottom line. It is not. We're trying to discern God's will in every situation.
[00:36:48] So hear her, but you keep the chair knowing that you'll answer to Christ as your head.
[00:36:54] So that's Abraham's wallet for today, guys. Bless you for tuning in today. We'll see you next week. And until then, run your home and your dough like a biblical boss.
